Is It Possible to Have a Friendly Divorce?

Most people probably think that the term “friendly divorce” is an example of an oxymoron. While many people do find themselves at odds with their exes once the divorce is over, there are a considerable number of couples who are able to remain on friendly terms once the divorce is complete. Just because the marriage is ending, that doesn’t mean the process has to bring out the worst in you and your ex.

A very common mistake that couples make when they are in the midst of a divorce is hitting each other below the belt. When couples are married, they learn everything about each other, and as a result, they learn the best ways to push the other person’s buttons. While it can be satisfying to see the other person wince when you throw those verbal and emotional darts, that is not the best way to have a friendly divorce. Instead of stooping low and acting like a child, it is best to be mature as possible throughout the divorce.

When couples are willing to work things out without the help of lawyers and a judge, they usually hire a mediator. A mediator is helpful because they help couples to smooth out the details of the divorce without tempers rising to a boiling point. If you and your ex both tend to get angry at the drop of a hat, then it will be difficult to keep the divorce on friendly terms. The more level headed you both are, the more successful your divorce will be. Many couples feel that a divorce is only a success if one person is left crying in the streets with nothing, however, mature couples realize that a divorce is not an opportunity for revenge. Instead it is a time to work together so both parties can experience a win/win situation.

One of the best ways to stay calm and have a truly friendly divorce is to be aware of your stress levels. Many people allow the stress to build and build, then it is difficult to control it. Long term stress is not healthy for anyone, so the next time you feel your stress levels rising when you are discussing the divorce, tell your ex how you’re feeling and ask them if you can take a break and calm down. Not only is this the correct way to handle conflict, but when you can properly communicate throughout the divorce process, you will be able to use your communication skills for any potentially stressful situation.

A great way to have a calm and friendly divorce is to regularly come together for the kids. School plays, recitals and sports games should be attended by both parents, and it is helpful for the children if both can parents can remain civil throughout the process. In many cases, the parents find themselves skipping out on their children in an attempt to skip out on their ex. When you and your ex remain friendly, it will make the transition much easier for your children.