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The name of the divorced, must be difficult and painful. Even if the divorced does not feel sick because the divorce is the decision of both parties, must be their children who feel the pain. It is the children who feel the most troubled and hurt by the divorce that happens to both parents.

Many children carry scarring “battles” of divorce until adulthood, a wound that can never heal by seeing the rift of the household of his father and mother. Especially if they have to be a witness of the quarrel for the quarrel of his parents every day.

Though it should be a divorced parent who realizes that when they used to meet and unite in a good way, why if you have to end it, not in a good way too? We are married to seek happiness. But, in the process, many stumbling blocks are blocking, and ultimately make us have to make choices. Keep fighting or parting. And if the worst risk that must be taken, of course we cannot be rash. There are ways to split up without being emotionally destructive to children in the long term.

1. Do not make children “messengers”

According to M Gary Neuman, a family and divorce expert, divorced parents often make their children “messengers” or “mail carriers” to communicate with each other. In fact, that’s what can cause excessive stress and emotional distress in children. Because they have to force themselves to negotiate the situation of their parents that they cannot really handle.

Email is an excellent tool right now to communicate with your ex-spouse. In addition to greater capacity than regular SMS, email is also a communication tool that if minimize your direct interaction with ex-spouse. Different with the use of SMS, BB messenger, chat YM, and the like with it. It also allows you to specifically discuss the possibility of raising your child without having to open your old wounds together.

If you want or need to talk to your ex over the phone or personally about children, focus on what you want to say and do not get hurt when your ex is upset.

2. Do not also make a child as a “therapist”

Whether or not they are aware, divorced parents often make their teenagers or grown-ups as their ventures or therapists. And in this divorce issue, adolescent children have a desire to be in control and keep their parents together. But their parents’ divorce choices have turned their world upside-down.

Never tell in detail about your divorce or feelings of anger toward your ex-spouse to older children. Because it will create a kind of wrong understanding of you and / or your ex-spouse. Not infrequently, they will feel guilty and believe that they are the cause of your separation. Or, worse they will save hatred against one of you both for hurting their loved ones.

3. Understand the feelings of your children

Do not be selfish to always ask your children to understand your circumstances and feelings. You also have to understand their circumstances and feelings. Because after all, the effects of divorce are most felt by them, and post-divorce their feelings in chaos.

You need to listen to what they feel. Just listen, but do not criticize your ex-partner in front of him because it is tantamount to criticizing your child as well. After all, your child has 50% of yourself and 50% of your husband’s self in him.

If the children still do not want to talk, you can advise your child to write down his feelings and you can share them with your ex. After all, your ex-spouse has the same duty and right to know how the child’s condition and feelings are. But do this only if the child wants to do it. Understand their circumstances, and help the healing process by making them feel loved and understood.

4. Do not make your child have to choose

Separating does not mean the children have to lose you or your ex. In that sense, you may no longer be home. But, do not let children come to throw “home” in their hearts. They should still be able to communicate well with both parents. They should still have you both. So do not make them choose.

For younger children, custody should be available to the mother. But that does not mean the mother who has to rule for everything. However, the father also has the right to take care of them occasionally until the children can freely choose their own to want to live with whom.

Remember, your relationship and your spouse may break up and you both become strangers. But, children will never break with their parents. As bad as any parents, parents are still parents. Equally have rights and obligations.…

The biggest fear of a freelancer lawyer is not getting income consistently from clients, this month can be a lot, and maybe next month cannot be at all. To be honest, it used to be a frightening specter for me. What is the solution?

Only 2: Connection and Ability!

Is the connection in question is Corruption Collusion Nepotism? Of course not, but more towards your business network. What’s the use of you having the ability to design a deity but no one knows about your ability? Therefore the first tips are:

Be Everywhere!

Yup, or simple language: CURRENT! Increase existence with lots of new people. So a freelancer lawyer does not mean we just stay at home while looking for a job anyway? Go into a community that supports your work and get acquainted with new people, in case your friends your friends need your services in the future. You’ll never know! Once I got a project from my old girlfriend’s girlfriend that I accidentally met in my friend’s brother’s sister. Far? Yes… As I said, you will never know. Always prepare a business card in your pocket about 30 pieces at any time, so you’ll always be ready to expand your connection wherever you are.

Do not forget also the influence of network of friends in cyberspace. I myself have facebook, friendster, twitter, plurk, pownce, linkedIn, flickr, cerpenista and also own blog to express daily opinions and curses. In addition I am also incorporated in the mailing list WebPM, id-apple, ID-Firefox, high school alumni mailing lists and lectures and more. Ok, maybe most I never update. But google will index all those pages, and all those pages will point to my personal site.

Be Useful for Your Clients!

Just circulating is not enough, you certainly want to remember and referenced people because of your expertise dong? Show everyone what you can and make them remember by helping them. If you do not have a sufficient portfolio, offer your services for free to non-profit organizations, write interesting and useful tips for many people on your blog, create free wordpress blog templates, offer vector illustrations or icon designs you do not use for download people, and many more ways to be useful to others.

For example, I wrote an article on how to share internet connection at home and 1 article contributed about 300 visitors to my blog every day. Being active on the WebPM mailing list brings quite a lot of projects and lots of recommendations to clients from overseas. If you help others, others will definitely help you. Maybe a little naive, but there’s nothing wrong with being a good person.

Develop your skills and show it to the world, BE USEFUL!

Be Famous!

Ok, maybe this is more to the result of the 2 tips above. When you are well known to many people and already useful to those people, the recommendations will spread widely. Starting from your friends, friends of your friends and so on. What you are doing now is just waiting and let your popularity work by itself.…